She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
