i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
