And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
