We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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