Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
