what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
4 words: hood of his car
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
