I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
