That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
