That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
