Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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