i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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