hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
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