She announced her abortion via fbk
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
