I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
