tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
3 2 1 whiskey
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize