Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
