I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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