drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
