ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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