Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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