absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just gargled with NyQuil
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
