weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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