We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
