I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
