i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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