btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
