Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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