You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
meet me or not, i'm out of control
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
