I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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