saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
