Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
