How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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