bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
