I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
