How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
