The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize