he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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