I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
