He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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