Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize