Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
