So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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