So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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