Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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