If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize