Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
