she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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