I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
