Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
