They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
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