Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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