That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You need Xanax blowdarts
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
