her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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