my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
