Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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