did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
