then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
