where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
