"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
