So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
