i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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