Do vagina's smell?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
