Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
