If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
