So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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