if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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