Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just pee around me
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
