why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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