If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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