For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
