I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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