I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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