nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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