I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
