The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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