I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Hippo gnu deer
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
