You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
