It was confusing and full of hummus
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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