my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
