I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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