Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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