I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
