38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
