i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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