Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize