puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
