I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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