Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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