kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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