it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
