I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
