Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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