why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Dick very happy bro
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
