My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
