I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
