Define "chronic" masturbator.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
