apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
