She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
there is glitter all over my balls
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
