At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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