i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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