Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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