You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
