See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
These tits shall not be calmed
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