But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
