Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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