He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
